Well, the primaries are over. Now there will be a maximum of only two candidates trying to convince us they should occupy some particular public office, to draw a salary from our taxes, to set policies that effect us from getting the pothole in front of my house fixed to deciding how much we spend on war and education, to making boring speeches about nothing on C-Span. From now until Election Day in November they will be hard at work to secure one action from me, that is punching the automated voting screen square that bears their name.
I have to admit, for some unexplained reason, I enjoyed the primary debates this year. There are some sharp newcomers on the political scene that bear watching. And there are a few whose families need to tell them to stay home. Or at least someone should provide them with a “cheat sheet” of possible answers to anticipated questions so they won’t embarrass themselves with less than intelligent bumbling utterances.
Speaking of questions, I wouldn’t mind throwing some quick ones in the direction of aspiring Congressperson throughout our state. Here’s a few:
Sir (or Madam), if elected, will you share with us what your office hours will be and pledge to be in your office during your office hours as long as you are on our payroll? It’s possible one or two of us might want to drop by and check on how you’re handling our interests.
If elected, can you assure your constituency that we will not see you on television standing on the floor of Congress with one of those homemade charts, unless you credit the elementary school that made it for you?
During your time in office will you promise not to be a prop for the majority or minority leaders of Congress by standing behind them with an adoring look on your face while they address the media? Frankly, we’d much rather you be in your office trying to allocate benefit for us folks back home, especially since these media events take place during the office hours you gave in answer to question one.
Will you promise, while in office, to not speak on any matter of which you know nothing? If you find yourself incapable of refraining from uninformed speech, would you first make a contractual arrangement with the various news outlets not to embarrass the constituents you represent by listing your home district below your name?
Would you be willing to assign one of your staff persons to remind you at least once a week: ‘This job is temporary’? Or, if you’d be willing to share your cell phone number, I know a large number of your district residents who’d be willing to text you.
Will you promise to campaign no more than eighteen months out of your two year term?
In the spring of 2000 our state began administering the Criterion Referenced Competency Test. This examination is designed to measure how well students in our schools acquire the skills and knowledge described in the Georgia Performance Standards. Other states have an equivalent examination. Would you be willing to take this examination prior to our next opportunity to cast a vote for you?
Finally, it stands to reason that anyone who running for national public office must be possessed of an ego larger than the average bloke. Would you be willing, if elected, to have your spouse share with the people you repressent the three most effective ways to deal with your ego?
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