Dear Church Superior:
As you know I am not a big fan of church denominational meetings. Your knowledge of this, I know, is often refreshed by my not being present for gatherings you have ordained as a necessity. I must say that over the years I’ve come to appreciate your endeavors to encourage me to participate in these gatherings of the set apart. And I confess I have been, from time to time, somewhat amused at your consternation over the perks that come from my exalted status of being retired and somewhat, or at least I like to think, beyond the reach of severe reprimand.
Having stated my, let’s say age-induced, aversion to these meetings, I do want you to know that today’s meeting was an exception. It was really superb, beyond reproach. I do not recall any incidence of superfluous chatter during the course of the gathering; everyone stayed on task; the agenda was not an impediment but a roadmap toward a rapid and decisive conclusion to all the matters before the assembled. We need more meetings like the one we had today.
I have to be honest with you, however. I almost missed the meeting. Had it not been for a conscientious layperson, who, in greeting me after the morning service, asked, “Where is the meeting this afternoon?” I would have hopped in my car and headed home to watch the NCAA Women’s Softball Championships without interruption.
In response to her inquiry I put forth one of my own: “What meeting?”
“The meeting for the pastors and delegates to the conference?”
“That’s today?”
“That’s what I have on my calendar.”
With the quickness of mind and nimbleness of feet of a man half my age, I quickly made my way to the computer and with the agility of a computer systems specialist I accessed the organization calendar. Imagine my consternation when I saw the meeting on the calendar. Imagine the reflection of loyalty to your request that I, at least, attend this particular meeting each year when I told that layperson I would meet her at the appointed place.
I went home to grab a quick bite to eat. Then I checked the Google Maps to determine the traveling time to the event. I thought it might please you to see me arrive early for once. And I did arrive early, but not as early as the lay delegate. She was waiting. She was the only one waiting. There was no one else at the meeting. I was confused. She was confused that I was confused.
I am a man of the Twenty-first Century. I whipped out my iPhone and once again accessed the organizational calendar online. There it was. The meeting was scheduled for the time and place I stood. But wait; now I saw it! The meeting was also designated as being scheduled for one week from the time and at the same place I stood. Ah, ha! The meeting is listed two times.
I call your attention to the opening of this epistle. I stated the meeting went well. It did. Remembering an often forgotten but extremely important rule buried in the pages of our governing documents, the lay person and I proceeded. That rule is the one that states: “A quorum is those present and voting.” In light of that I need to inform you the meeting on the calendar for next week is cancelled. The vote was unanimous.
Parson, There you go again being one step ahead of me. Yesterday, as I was leaving church, the pastor asked me if I were going to the delegates' meeting for our conference, I informed him of my exalted status by saying "No!" Then he asked me to go in his place, to which I said, "What part of 'No' do you not understand." And to think I almost came to your church, I would have enjoyed see you "dash." Peace, Curtis
Posted by: CurtisGrissett | June 07, 2010 at 04:24 PM
If only more meetings could be conducted like this one.
Posted by: Wayne Cook | June 08, 2010 at 07:56 AM
i almost choked
never reading this again with a mug of coffee in my hands............
THANK YOU!
Posted by: MMP | June 08, 2010 at 08:55 AM