Ring, Ring.
“Hello.”
“Yes, this is Susan. I’m calling for the law firm of Wewanna, Getmore, Rich & Quik. I’ve called to talk with you to determine if you’ve ever used a certain medicine.”
“Well, Susan, I usually don’t participate in these kinds of calls. But, just out of curiosity, what’s the name of the medicine?”
She told me the name and even volunteered its purpose. “Have you used it?”
“Susan, as far as I know we’re not cousins. So, why would you want to know if I use that medicine?”
Susan suddenly developed a very business-like tone in her voice. “Sir, we're developing a class action law suit against the manufacturers and are interviewing people who have used the drug. You may find that you’ve had some adverse effects you’re not now aware of and would want to become part of this litigation.”
“That’s what I thought you were getting around to, Susan. I need to let you know now that this number is on the National No-call List.”
“Oh, I see. Well, that wouldn’t apply to us, sir.”
“That’s interesting. How does the list not apply to you?”
“We’re a non-profit corporation, sir.”
“I’m sorry. Did I hear you right? You’re a non-profit corporation?”
“Yes, sir, we are, and the No-call List does not apply to non-profits.”
“I thought you said you were a law firm.”
“We are.”
“You’re a non-profit law firm?”
“Yes, sir.”
“Isn’t that an oxymoron?”
“A what?”
“Never mind.”
“Sir, you’ve never said whether you’ve ever used the medicine.”
“Oh, you’re right. Give me just a minute, please, Susan. I’m just fascinated with your law firm. Looks to me as though you’re trying to get me as a client. Can you answer a couple of questions so I’d know more about who would be representing me?”
“I guess I can do that, sir.”
“Good. Are you folks a 501 (c) (3) corporation?”
“I don’t understand what you mean?”
“That’s a type of non-profit allowed by the IRS.”
“Oh, well, I, ah, well, I’m not sure.”
“That kind of non-profit is for charity, religion, scientific research or education. Which would you folks be?”
“Sir, I told you, we’re a law firm.”
“So you’re not engaged in charity, religion, scientific research or education?”
“Ah, I don’t think …. Sir, we’re a law firm.”
“Maybe you’re not a 501 (c) (3), Susan. Maybe you folks just file a IRS Form 990. Do you know how much money the senior partner makes?”
“No sir. They don’t tell us that.”
“Well, if you filed a Form 990 that would be public information.”
“Sir, we’re a law firm.”
“I know. You’re a non-profit law firm.”
“That’s right.”
“Can you give me your address?”
“Sir, we don’t know if you take the medicine or not.”
“I know that, Susan. I just wanted to know where to send a contribution.”
“I keep telling you, sir, we’re a law firm.”
“But you’re a non-profit law firm. I think that is really unique and I’d like to contribute to your non-profit work.”
“I don’t think people make contributions to us.”
“You’re non-profit and people don’t make contributions?”
“No sir, they don’t.”
“I’m really confused, Susan.”
“Sir, could you just tell me if you take the medicine?”
“No, I can’t do that.”
“You can’t tell me?”
“No, I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because, Susan, like you folks, I’m not in it for the money.”
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