Questing Parson

Kevin Slavin: How Algorithms Shape Our World

The Devil Made Me Do It

The day began well for the parson. He rose before the sun, showered and shaved, popped his pills, all his pills have kept his heart ticking since the surgery, dressed and then called out to Charlie Brown, his faithful canine companion. Together they bounded down the front steps and, with an agility that betrayed the parson's age, headed toward the car.

Ten minutes later the parson and Charlie Brown were making their daily trek around the outskirts of the Quik Trip, America's Premiere Convenience (and in this case truck stop) Store. After their circumnavigation of the facility, Charlie Brown jumped onto the backseat of the car and assumed his waiting position while the parson headed inside to purchase his daily dose of cappuccino. In a few moments the parson jumped back in the car and the two headed back to the house.

Once there the computer was retrieved from the study. They headed toward the church. There the parson began working with focused attention on the matters at hand. He made notes on how he wanted to approach Sunday's sermon. He made phone calls to several members and answered a phone call from someone who wanted to interest him in joining an effort to make Christians of the Jews. The parson responded that as soon as he and his members learned to act like Christians he'd give the fellow a return call.

Two-thirds through the morning, the couple showed up for their scheduled counseling session. It was a breakthrough time. Both of them came to a better understanding of the issues that were stumbling blocks to their relationship. They left with a new commitment and a promise they'd keep coming back for a while.

When the left the parson and Charlie Brown headed back to the house. Once there the parson did not deviate from his dogged pursuit of accomplishing the goals for the day. He worked tirelessly and without distraction on the bulletin for the Sunday morning service. It was almost completed around 2:00. The parson was feeling good. He'd been so focused he'd forgotten lunch. But he didn't want to break. This was a good day. Things were happening.

And then it happened. The Devil appeared. The Devil at 2:23 in the afternoon arrived at the parson's house. He drove up in a United Parcel Service truck. He approached the parson's door in a UPS person's uniform. He handed the parson a package. The parson signed the little device the Devil held out. The Devil turned and walked away. Wait, was he chuckling?

The parson returned inside. He opened the package. It was the parson's new Kindle Fire. The chuckle of the Devil in the UPS uniform echoed in the parson's mind.

He sat. He unpacked the device. He plugged it in and let it charge while he set upon a quest to discover the way to utilize all it's functions without having to call any of his grandchildren. He browsed the various magazines available. He looked through the library. He explored the “Cloud” feature where he could store music. The device was so easy to use. Without realizing how competent he was with his new found technical toy, the parson was soon listening to Brandi Carlile serenade him through the earphones with her composition “Dreams.” And the parson was caught up in the dream. Before he knew it he had downloaded Robert Price's The Incredible Shrinking Son of Man, How Reliable Is the Christian Tradition.

Charlie Brown interrupted the parson's reading with a bark at the front door. The parson rose and let Charlie Brown outside. As he started to close the door it seemed like he could hear once again the chuckle of the Devil dressed in a UPS uniform. He ignored it, plopped himself on the sofa and began reading once again as the earphones now eased his day with the sound of Linda Ronstadt's For Sentimental Reasons album. The parson continued reading until Charlie Brown barked again.

He rose and opened the door for Charlie Brown. There it was again: that distinctive sound of the Devil in the UPS uniform chuckling. The parson looked over at the clock. “Oh, my goodness, Charlie Brown,” he said. “It's suppertime. Where did the time go.” Again that devilish chuckle sounded in his head. “Come on, I'll get you something to eat.” The parson fed Charlie Brown and then fed his Charlie Brown's three wild feline friends who wandered out of the woods every day about this time and who, occasionally, could be seen cuddled against Charlie Brown's tummy as he napped in the afternoon sun.

The parson then fixed some food for himself and ate it as he skimmed through the Kindle Fire's User Guide. He'd grown tired of that exercise about the time he finished eating. The dishes were stacked in the sink. He filled the sink with water and decided to wait a while to wash them. He wanted to check out the video feature.

The parson noted there were some free videos because he was an Amazon Prime Member. He looked through the video library. Interesting. Suddenly the voice of the Devil in the UPS uniform entered the parson's abode. He whispered in the parson's ear. “You really ought to check to see in the quality of those videos is as good as advertised.” That sounded reasonable.

The parson noted that one of the free movies was “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.” He'd seen the movie twice already. Even though it was one of his favorite movies in a while he noticed that it was over two hours long. He had to write a column for the local newspaper and a blog. “You spent a lot of money on this device,” said the voice. “You should check these videos out.”

The parson watched Noomi Rapace portray Lisbeth Salander in her struggle from victim to protagonist. He enjoyed every minute of it as for the third time he followed the plot to the same conclusion as was there the two other times he'd seen the movie and the time he read the book. When the movie was concluded, the parson had decided he liked his Kindle Fire.

He looked up at the clock. It was 11:30. Oh gracious, he had to get to work. And then that voice whispered again, “How do you know “The Girl Who Played With Fire” is as good a quality as the other one.

The parson decided there was no reason he had to write a blog every day.

Christine Chakoian - Impact of Digital Revolution on Contemporary Spirituality

 

The Reverend Christine Chakoian is Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church in Lake Forest, Illinois.

What A World We Live In

I started writing this in the customer lounge of a car dealership. It's oil change time on the trusted hybrid. What a world we live in.

I drove that hybrid over here and got some really exceptional mileage. And beyond the fact the mileage was terrific, there's the added benefit that I don't pollute as much as some of you. I read an article a few years back which stated you can put your nose up the tailpipe of my hybrid and take a deep breath and you would breath cleaner air than in most metropolitan areas. What a world we live in!

Arriving I pulled out my laptop computer, opened it, clicked on the control panel and clicked the right buttons to tell my computer to search for a wireless internet connection. Bingo. With one more click I was connected. I checked my email, answered a couple of them, deleted several more, and downloaded some needed information from others, placing the information in the designated files so I could deal with it later. Then I watched some news clips from the internet server news service. When I started my ministry down in rural Wilkes County, Georgia, we had one of those crank telephones that connected to the central operator, and then we told her who to connect us with so we could have a conversation, a conversation that might be monitored by any number of people on the same line. Now I can bring the whole world to my lap via this notebook size machine. What a world we live in!

Speaking of the phone. Now my phone is in my pants pocket. I no longer need to be home to get a call. You can reach me anywhere I am. You have to have my phone number. And since it's so easy to reach me no matter where I am you'll understand why I probably will not be giving you my phone number. And even those who do have my number may not get to talk to me. That's because this new phone I carry in my pocket also tells me who's calling before I answer the call. Which may explain to some of those who have my number why there was no answer when the called. What a world we live in!

The phone does a lot more than allow me to talk to folks. It also is a camera, a video recorder, a dictionary, a copy of the Bible, internet access device, GPS instrument that provides me a map on how to get from here to there virtually anywhere in the world, a weather forecast service, a stock exchange monitor, and other. I'm not sure about some of the other uses it has. My grandchildren haven't taught me how to use them. What a world we live in!

I decided to read the paper. I took another device from my pocket, called a Kindle. I flipped it on and there was the Atlanta Journal / Constitution's current edition. They don't deliver the AJC to our fair town anymore, but I get it electronically. And I can read countless other papers, magazines, and books. All of them are in the Kindle I carry in my pocket. What a world we live in.

When I returned home I noticed the new neighbor's car was in the carport. They moved in last week. I don't know their name. What a world we live in.

Technological Limits

I write a newspaper column for the local paper, The Calhoun Times, the following will be published Wednesday.

Let’s start this column with an acknowledgment that I am a modern man. By that I mean I am up-to-date; I can be intrigued by the lyrics of rap music; I am beginning to be comfortable with the informal dress of this new age. But what makes me more up-to-date than many of my generation is the fact I am comfortable with this technological age.

I have an iPhone. And, more importantly, I know how to use it. On that iPhone I have a wide variety of apps that range from a dictionary to a GPS device that gives me directions in any town in the world to one that allows me to point the phone at the stars to provide me with the name of every celestial orb I am viewing.

I have a Kindle. I can push a button and download in a matter of seconds the current edition of almost every major newspaper in the world or magazine or website. I can also download books in the same amount of time. And through these downloads I can read these writings at a third of the cost I’d otherwise pay. The next time you see me you’ll now know there walks before you a man with a library a thousand times the size of the famed Library of Alexander in his pocket.

I have a website where more people than I could have previously imagined read these epistles of mine. But not only do they read what I write they can, also, view me on videos. Can you imagine it? Technology has moved me beyond the boundaries of Gordon County into a larger world.

I am a modern man; I am in tune with the times; I have embraced this age in which we live. Someone should write a song about me.

Speaking of songs: I have a granddaughter who will be celebrating a birthday on Friday. She’ll be ten. She’s certainly in tune with the times. When I got that iPhone I never read the directions. She and her sister taught me all I needed to know. They’d never used an iPhone before; they just intuitively knew.

Being the savvy technological senior citizen that I am, having granddaughters who are as technologically savvy as they are, obviously I wanted purchase a birthday present suitable for the times in which we live.

Now, for those of my generation who are reading this: Have you heard of iTunes? It’s another wonder of this age. A technologically inclined person of this Twenty-first Century can actually go online to the iTunes site and purchase music. That music is downloaded into a little device called an iPod. This iPod can house many hundreds of songs. It can be placed in the pocket and from it a small wire can run to earphones where one’s personal musical preferences can be enjoyed whenever desired.

I told my daughter I’d be mailing an iTunes gift card for granddaughter. “You don’t have to do that,” she said. “You can get the password off the back and email it to her.”

I’ve drawn the line on my technological development. Birthday presents were meant for packages to be opened whereupon there can be the proper gasp of surprise. I’ll read books on my Kindle; I’ll keep in touch by my iPhone; I’ll email this column to the paper. But my granddaughter’s birthday present will be in a package with a bow.

Changing Proclamation

The pastors of the area were gathered in the parson’s church. The parson sat in the back, in the media room, wondering if this was a trick. Over the last half decade it had become a ritual for the denominational supervisor to ask the parson, “Are you coming to the meeting?” And the parson to reply, “Ahhh, no.” Perhaps the superintendent had finally given up and brought the meeting to the parson.

As he leaned back in his chair he heard the usual exhortations to support the denominational causes, the clarifications that had been clarified the last ten meetings on the procedures for moving to another church. There were the constant references to “this bishop,” referring to the “new” bishop. The gathered would then pay attention in anticipation of learning something about “this bishop’s means of handling things.” 

The parson watched everyone sit up in the pew when “this bishop’s” executive assistant  stood before them. Gracious person he was he first paid homage to the parson’s literary skills as evidenced in the parson’s new book. 

“There’s one thing about the Parson’s book I particularly like,” he said. “What I particularly like is the Parson’s book is printed on paper. You can feel it; you can smell it. It’s ink on paper and there’s something real about ink on paper. And that’s what I want to talk to you about today. I want to talk to you about ink on paper in the form of our area denominational newspaper. Do you subscribe to this paper?”

From that take-off point the bishop’s assistant then went on to uphold the beleaguered periodical. He held up a copy. He showed the benefits of holding these paper pages in his hand; he described the sound of the pages turning and the ability to fold it in different ways. And then he exhorted the brothers and sisters to not let the onset of modern technological devices  divert the pleasure derived from the feel of the paper on the flesh of the fingers, the real, tangible, newspaper, the miracle of the word written on paper.

The parson took in the pleadings of the bishop’s assistant with interest, marveling at his considerable ability to make things seem so real. The parson had some knowledge of the plights of the particular printed media and was impressed with the bishop’s executive assistant’s affinity to the printed word.

There was a break between the morning and the afternoon sessions at which the parson’s church, through the considerable talents of the women’s society, provided lunch for the clergy. The parson sat with the bishop’s executive assistant and delighted in reminding him of skipped seminary classes and other minor past sins. 

The bishop’s executive assistant was scheduled to be the worship speaker in the afternoon session. At the appointed time in that service he walked to the pulpit. He pulled out his iPhone tapped the screen several times and said to the gathered, “For my text today I would like to read from the Gospel of Luke, the 13th chapter, beginning with the first verse. Would you stand in reverence to this holy Word. And then this old fashioned, lover of the smell of ink upon the printed page, read the lesson from his iPhone.

On the Way to Expert

The parson telephoned tech savvy child:

"Hey, do you have a minute to give me some directions on how to use my new cell phone?"

"What kind is it?"

"It's an iPhone."

"Boy, you're a lucky Dad."

"Well, if you could help me out a bit I could learn how to use it."

"Aren't you taking my nieces on a trip tomorrow?"

"I am; we're going to New York."

"You're going to drive all the way to New York City with an eight and a twelve year old?"

"That's the plan."

"How long will you be with them?"

"Five days."

"You don't need me. Just pay attention to them. By the time you get back you'll be an iPhone expert."