Questing Parson

A Reason For Going To the Meeting

The parson opened the door of the fellowship hall. Everyone who'd attended the meeting of the Administrative Board had left, rushing to their cars through the torrents of rain that were falling. Just as he was about to step out Jim Hardiman, a pastor from a nearby church came rushing through the rain toward the door. The parson suddenly remembered Jim and he had made an appointment for Jim to borrow a book and pick it up after the meeting at the parson's church this night.

“Holy Mackerel, Parson,” cried Jim as he entered the door. “This is a deluge.”

“It is that, Jim,” the parson responded. “I have to tell you Jim, I'm glad you're here a little early. I would have forgotten you were coming. The meeting let out a little early. Come on back to the study; I'll get the book for you.”

Back in the study the parson pulled his first edition copy of Cora Harris' book, Circuit Rider's Wife, from the shelf. It was a story of a preacher's wife in north Georgia at the beginning of the twentieth century. Cora Harris, whose cabin was just a few miles from the parson's church had been a gifted writer, the first female war correspondent for The Saturday Evening Post during World War I, and someone who'd captured the parson's interest long ago.

“I really appreciate this,” said Jim. “I'll be careful with it. I know it's rare.”

“Thank you for that,” said the parson. “I know you'll enjoy it.”

“Tell you the truth, Parson, I really didn't expect to meet you here tonight. With this weather I figured you might call off the meeting. And from the looks of the cars in the parking lot you couldn't have had more than seven or eight people at the meeting. Why didn't you call it off?”

The parson walked with Jim toward that fellowship hall door, where Charlie Brown, his faithful canine companion, waited to dash to the car. As they walked, he replied, “You know, Jim, they pay me the same amount of money if all twenty-five or so are here or just seven.”

The Right Choice

The parson and Charlie Brown, his faithful canine companion, were resting. The parson sat on a rock with his back against a larger one. Charlie Brown was sprawled on the ground beside him working on a chewy while the parson munched on an apple. Wadded up beside the parson was the bag that only a few moments ago had contained a sandwich and some dry dog food.

The parson finished the apple just about the time Charlie Brown looked up as if to say, “Anything else?” He stuffed the crumbled bag and the empty water bottle into the small back pack beside him. He stood at which Charlie Brown also rose with an audible moan. The parson threw the apple core over the edge of the canyon on along which rim the two had been hiking.

The parson hadn't moved fifty yards beyond his lunch site when he saw one of the younger pastors of his area hiking toward him. The parson called out a greeting and the pair stopped, seemingly grateful for the break in their trek.

“Parson, what in the world are you doing here?” asked Robert the young pastor. “Hello, Charlie Brown,” he greeted as he knelt down to pat Charlie and pull his ears. Charlie Brown promptly sat in eager anticipation of attention.

“Just trying to stay in shape,” the parson said. “It takes a bit more effort at my age. How are you doing, Carole?” the parson asked. Carole and Robert had been married a little over two years. She was a talented writer who'd published a few fiction books under a pseudonym. The parson was one of her biggest fans, and probably the biggest in the clergy ranks as Carole didn't reveal her true occupation to many in the ministry.

“Really good, Parson. Really good. It's nice to see you again.”

Before the parson could reply, Robert asked, “Do you come up here often? This is a bit from home.”

“Oh I try to hike in one of the state parks at least once a week, Robert. It keeps the batteries recharged.”

I really wish I could do that, Parson. I don't know how you get the time.”

“I don't get the time, Robert,” the parson replied. “I make the time.”

“Thank you, Parson,” said Carole. “Are you listening to him, Robert?”

The parson picked up on a tone that indicated this hike might have been a grudging concession by Robert.

“I suspect the Parson doesn't have the pressures I have, Carole,” said Robert. “No offense, Parson, but you are serving a smaller church since your retirement.”

“Serving your church takes more time than serving mine?” the parson asked.

“Ah, Parson, I didn't mean anything by that. I know you work hard. But this appointment I have just eats up every hour in the day.”

“How so?” asked the parson.

Carole had now moved away from the parson and Robert taking Charlie Brown with her. Charlie Brown seemed to prefer her scratching and ear pulling abilities much more than Robert.

“Look, Parson, there's not only the sermons to prepare, the sick to visit, other pastoral calls, but I have to make the bulletins every week. I have to prepare all the media for the praise songs. I lead the choir practice. There's just a never ending list.”

“Who did the bulletins before you got there?” the parson asked.

“Well, a woman named Ellen Hanson did. But she seemed really relieved when I took over that for her.”

“Who led the choir before you got there?”

“Okay, Parson, I see where this is going. Look, they found out I knew a little about music and let me do it.”

“Who's going to do the bulletins when you leave?”

“Okay, I get it.”

“Who's going to lead the choir when you leave?”

Robert started to say something. The parson held up his hand. “Listen, Robert, a very, very long time ago on the day I was leaving to go to my first church, my daddy gave me the best advice I've ever received. He said to me, 'Son, you will be a success if, when you leave that church, those people say: Look what we did.'”

The parson looked down at Carole. He made a sucking sound with his lips. Charlie Brown immediately came to his side.

“When's the next novel coming out?” the parson asked.

“June,” she said.

“Same heroine?”

“Same one. Look, Parson, don't buy one this time. Let me give you one with an inscription.”

“I'll treasure that, Carole,” the parson said as the two hugged.

During the hug Carole whispered in his ear, "Thank you."

Carole leaned over to say good-bye to Charlie Brown. As she did the parson grabbed Robert's arm, pulled him a step away and said in a quiet voice, “Listen to me, Robert. Whenever you have a choice of doing the damn bulletin or taking a nap with Carole, you take a nap.”

The Devil Made Me Do It

The day began well for the parson. He rose before the sun, showered and shaved, popped his pills, all his pills have kept his heart ticking since the surgery, dressed and then called out to Charlie Brown, his faithful canine companion. Together they bounded down the front steps and, with an agility that betrayed the parson's age, headed toward the car.

Ten minutes later the parson and Charlie Brown were making their daily trek around the outskirts of the Quik Trip, America's Premiere Convenience (and in this case truck stop) Store. After their circumnavigation of the facility, Charlie Brown jumped onto the backseat of the car and assumed his waiting position while the parson headed inside to purchase his daily dose of cappuccino. In a few moments the parson jumped back in the car and the two headed back to the house.

Once there the computer was retrieved from the study. They headed toward the church. There the parson began working with focused attention on the matters at hand. He made notes on how he wanted to approach Sunday's sermon. He made phone calls to several members and answered a phone call from someone who wanted to interest him in joining an effort to make Christians of the Jews. The parson responded that as soon as he and his members learned to act like Christians he'd give the fellow a return call.

Two-thirds through the morning, the couple showed up for their scheduled counseling session. It was a breakthrough time. Both of them came to a better understanding of the issues that were stumbling blocks to their relationship. They left with a new commitment and a promise they'd keep coming back for a while.

When the left the parson and Charlie Brown headed back to the house. Once there the parson did not deviate from his dogged pursuit of accomplishing the goals for the day. He worked tirelessly and without distraction on the bulletin for the Sunday morning service. It was almost completed around 2:00. The parson was feeling good. He'd been so focused he'd forgotten lunch. But he didn't want to break. This was a good day. Things were happening.

And then it happened. The Devil appeared. The Devil at 2:23 in the afternoon arrived at the parson's house. He drove up in a United Parcel Service truck. He approached the parson's door in a UPS person's uniform. He handed the parson a package. The parson signed the little device the Devil held out. The Devil turned and walked away. Wait, was he chuckling?

The parson returned inside. He opened the package. It was the parson's new Kindle Fire. The chuckle of the Devil in the UPS uniform echoed in the parson's mind.

He sat. He unpacked the device. He plugged it in and let it charge while he set upon a quest to discover the way to utilize all it's functions without having to call any of his grandchildren. He browsed the various magazines available. He looked through the library. He explored the “Cloud” feature where he could store music. The device was so easy to use. Without realizing how competent he was with his new found technical toy, the parson was soon listening to Brandi Carlile serenade him through the earphones with her composition “Dreams.” And the parson was caught up in the dream. Before he knew it he had downloaded Robert Price's The Incredible Shrinking Son of Man, How Reliable Is the Christian Tradition.

Charlie Brown interrupted the parson's reading with a bark at the front door. The parson rose and let Charlie Brown outside. As he started to close the door it seemed like he could hear once again the chuckle of the Devil dressed in a UPS uniform. He ignored it, plopped himself on the sofa and began reading once again as the earphones now eased his day with the sound of Linda Ronstadt's For Sentimental Reasons album. The parson continued reading until Charlie Brown barked again.

He rose and opened the door for Charlie Brown. There it was again: that distinctive sound of the Devil in the UPS uniform chuckling. The parson looked over at the clock. “Oh, my goodness, Charlie Brown,” he said. “It's suppertime. Where did the time go.” Again that devilish chuckle sounded in his head. “Come on, I'll get you something to eat.” The parson fed Charlie Brown and then fed his Charlie Brown's three wild feline friends who wandered out of the woods every day about this time and who, occasionally, could be seen cuddled against Charlie Brown's tummy as he napped in the afternoon sun.

The parson then fixed some food for himself and ate it as he skimmed through the Kindle Fire's User Guide. He'd grown tired of that exercise about the time he finished eating. The dishes were stacked in the sink. He filled the sink with water and decided to wait a while to wash them. He wanted to check out the video feature.

The parson noted there were some free videos because he was an Amazon Prime Member. He looked through the video library. Interesting. Suddenly the voice of the Devil in the UPS uniform entered the parson's abode. He whispered in the parson's ear. “You really ought to check to see in the quality of those videos is as good as advertised.” That sounded reasonable.

The parson noted that one of the free movies was “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.” He'd seen the movie twice already. Even though it was one of his favorite movies in a while he noticed that it was over two hours long. He had to write a column for the local newspaper and a blog. “You spent a lot of money on this device,” said the voice. “You should check these videos out.”

The parson watched Noomi Rapace portray Lisbeth Salander in her struggle from victim to protagonist. He enjoyed every minute of it as for the third time he followed the plot to the same conclusion as was there the two other times he'd seen the movie and the time he read the book. When the movie was concluded, the parson had decided he liked his Kindle Fire.

He looked up at the clock. It was 11:30. Oh gracious, he had to get to work. And then that voice whispered again, “How do you know “The Girl Who Played With Fire” is as good a quality as the other one.

The parson decided there was no reason he had to write a blog every day.

The Changing World of the Clergy

The parson had secured a corner of the room occupied by the book store at a break during the annual conference of his denomination. Obscured in his corner he had time to engage in his favorite pastime of people watching.

During the Executive Session of the Clergy, the presiding bishop in a pitch for a wellness program of the denomination had made remarks that being overweight was a tremendous health problem. He had suggested the clergy should have courage to approach overweight brothers and sisters of the cloth an in love tell them they were overweight and should take better care of themselves. The parson now sat in his corner watching the parade of expanded waists pass by as he contemplated the bishop’s departure from preaching to enter the realm of meddling.

The parson wasn’t aware if it was her voice or the fact she wasn’t a candidate to whom someone needed to relay the bishop’s admonition in love. She was a walking exhibition of wellness.

“Shopping for some preaching books?” her friend asked her after their mutual greeting.

“Actually, I’m in here to buy a Bible,” she replied.

“A Bible?”

“Yes, they told us we needed to bring a Bible with us when we were ordained. So, at the meeting they had with us this morning, they asked me if I brought a Bible. I said ‘sure’ and held up by iPhone. They looked at me like I was crazy. And then they asked me again if I brought a Bible. I showed them my iPhone again. And then I showed them the apps with the three translations I keep on it. Two of them whispered together and then they told me they thought a traditional Bible might be more appropriate than holding my iPhone.”

The parson watched her walk over to the cashier to pay for her traditional Bible. As he did he pulled his iPhone from the belt holster, turned it on and touched the icon to bring up The Message. He read a couple of verses at random as he again felt young, contemporary, and thin.

Book Review: Same Kind of Different As Me

Same Kind of Different As Me
A Modern-day Slave, An International Art Dealer, and the Unlikely Woman Who Bound Them Together
Ron Hall & Denver Moore with Lynn Vincent

Copyright © 2006 by Ron Hall
Thomas Nelson
ISBN: 978-0-8499-1910-7

My brother gave me this improbable book for Christmas. Had I realized the treasure it is I’d have read it sooner.

Same Kind of Different As Me is an unusual autobiography, blending the lives of two disparate persons, Ron Hall, an international art dealer, and Denver Moore, a homeless, illiterate black man from the rural, segregated Louisiana. Hall, a truly secular and self-centered person, is caught in an affair. His wife’s unexpected response to it leads him to follow her into a life of service among the homeless. It is there Hall encounters the bigger-than-life Denver Moore. The intertwining of these two lives and the juxtaposition of their lives with the saintly Deborah Hall provides the storyline for the book.

Truth, it is said, is stranger than fiction. I was well into the pages of this book before I realized it was autobiographical. That realization compounded the fascination with the story of Ron Hall and Denver Moore.

There was also the compelling attraction that at the heart of this story this is a religious book. There is good theology here nestled among the humor, the pathos, the tragedy and the triumph that is found in the story of two completely different men brought together through the spirituality of a deeply believing woman.

You won’t regret reading this compelling story.

Thanks To Those Who Have - An Invitation To Those Who Have Not

I wrote this little book. You can order it at Amazon (see link to right) or Barnes & Noble. BUT ...

If you order it directly from me ALL the profits go to support the transitional housing ministry of the little church I serve. The church is now involved in two transitional houses. The ministry includes a Certified Social Worker (MSW) working with the families, helping them learn budgeting, getting them into needed educational programs and/or full-time employment, working with both parents and children to break the cycle. 

The cost by ordering directly is higher than through Amazon or Barnes & Noble, but the shipping is included and I'll inscribe the book to whomever you desire. (just include a note with directions.)

Thanks to the many folks who have already obtained the book this way. Thank you on behalf of the church and the two mothers and four children who occupy the two transitional houses.

If you want to join those who have helped us, send a check for $20 payable to Farmville United Methodist Church to:

Questing Parson
136 West Belmont Drive
Suite 11 - 134
Calhoun, Georgia 30701

End of commercial.

First Review of Book Is In

 

"I want you to know," she said, "this book is wonderful. I've only read three pages so far, but it is absolutely wonderful."  

She's Faith. She's my eight-year-old granddaughter.

About "Lines From the Times"

 My kids and others say I should mention this here occasionally.

You can order the book HERE (Amazon) or

You can order the book HERE (Barnes & Noble) or

You can order the book directly from the church I serve and pay the shipping and the profits will go to support the church’s transitional housing ministry. Send a check for $20 payable to: 

Farmville United Methodist Church 

 and mail to:

Questing Parson

136 West Belmont Drive

Suite 11-134

Calhoun, Georgia 30701

If you want the book inscribed let me know if you’re ordering for yourself or someone else.

Thanks

Ordering The Book Directly To Aid Transitional Ministry

 Some of you have graciously expressed an interest in purchasing the book directly from me in order that the profits can go to support the transitional housing program of the church I serve. Unfortunately, I was unable to get the links set up to order this via Pay Pal or such. So, in order to get the book we'll have to do it the old fashioned way until I can work out a more efficient method.

To order the book please sent a check for $20 made out to Farmville United Methodist Church. The $20 will include the postage. Send the check to: 

Questing Parson
136 West Belmont Drive
Suite 11 - 134
Calhoun, Georgia 30701

If you're purchasing this as a gift for someone please give me their name if you want the book inscribed. I"ll make every effort to get this in the mail to you the day I receive the check.

And thanks to all of you who have already read parts of the book and took the time to email. 

It's Finally Ready

It's finally ready. You can go to Barnes & Noble or Amazon, (click on the store here or)  type in the title Lines From the Times in the selected site's search engine, and order it. [Note: Barnes & Noble has it available in both softcover or hardcover.] Or you can wait until Monday when I'll have information here so that you can order it directly from me for a slightly higher price and you pay the $7 shipping and all the profits go to support the transitional housing ministry of the parson's parish. I'll autograph these books as you request.
 

 

LInes From the Times is a compilation of my weekly newspaper column in The Calhoun Times over the last five years. 

To all of you who have said, "You should publish a book," I have!

By the way, the next book comes out in about seven months. The title will probably be Daddy Guy's Stories, And He's Sticking To Them. It will be stories I share with my grandchildren about my life in the last century which might teach them lessons for survival in this one.